I just watched GI Joe: Retaliation, and feel as stupid as
anyone deserves to feel for going to see a movie with that title. However, I
enjoyed GI Joe 1, so I had a reasonably good expectation that it was going to
be more of the same. It wasn’t . If GI Joe was a small, functional family
business, that did what was it was supposed to do without any pretensions to
greatness, then GI Joe: Retaliation resembles an aggressive corporate takeover,
where profit has been maximised and half the staff have been sacked (Dennis
Quaid goes, as does Christopher Ecclestone, and several other of the more
interesting cast members) and replaced with talentless corporate drones - Dwayne
‘The Rock’ Johnson, and Bruce Willis. I like Bruce Willis as much as anyone,
but not if he’s just phoning his performance in for five minutes so they can
put his name on the poster. Most lamentably, they’ve chucked most of the crazy
sci-fi elements of the first movie overboard (nanobite robots! Invulnerable
super-soldiers! Accelerator suits!) and
replaced them with boring gung-ho soldier antics (hooah!) Point to note: Channing
Tatum dies in the first five minutes, so I don’t know why he’s on the poster.
That’s not a spoiler, because they spoiled the film prior to releasing it.
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