Metaphysical Policemen

There’s always a metaphysical element to detectives - an investigation going on behind the investigation. That’s true for TV cops as much as for fictional ones. You wouldn’t assume Columbo had a pretext, but then, is it a coincidence that Columbo villains are always part of an elite - an intellectual, financial or social elite? Colombo represents the working man - rough hewn, unintellectual, but underestimate him at your peril. Columbo represents the forces of democratisation in American society. The worst crime in the US is to believe that you are better than everybody else. Colombo proves that. The villains in Columbo demonstrate that if you go around thinking you’re better than everyone else, it’s only a matter of time before you actually commit a murder. It’s also no coincidence that it’s often British or European actors playing the villain. Europe is elitist, effete, decadent.: Ricardo Montalban; Patrick McGoohan. America is manly, pragmatic. In Columbo, you know who the killer is, because you see the Crime at the beginning of the show. It’s not so much a detective show, as a blood sport. It’s watching the ritual humiliation of a public monster. 

What is the metaphysical element of Inspector Montalbano (no relation to Ricardo), currently on BBC iPlayer? Inspector Montalbano demonstrates all the qualities of Italianicity that an Italian man should posess: boisterously heterosexual, a gastronome, yet cuts a bella figura despite all that pasta. To a British person, Montalbano seems to play fast and loose with the code of professional conduct which you would expect from an officer of the law. He is more interested in Justice, than law, and doesn’t believe in observing every little regulation, because he sees the bigger picture. He frequently exercises a worldly discretion in the course of his duty, as opposed to sticking to the letter of the law. Montalbano whines like a baby when his superiors threaten to promote him. A promotion would mean a desk job, and more responsibility. Montalbano isn’t interested in worldly position. He’s interested in staying proletarian, because authority is for buffoons. How can Montalbano buck authority if he is one? Despite resembling the love child of Karl Pilkington and Ross Kemp to a precise degree, Montalbano is a hit with the ladies, another Italian manly requisite. I’m learning Italian hand gestures. Two hands held in an inverted steeple at waist level seems to mean ‘you’re fucking joking’ or ‘give me a break’. The hands can be pulled apart then for an imploring gesture ‘have mercy’. Montalbano may be a good and honest cop, but the virtues he displays are arguably the biggest problem with Italy’s political and judicial system. If you believe that a cop should be allowed to exercise personal discretion (“you understand these things” says an aged mafia boss in one episode), then you are subordinating the law to another code: the code of mercy, the code of criminals, the code of ‘decency’. In practice, I would place little reliance on such codes to regulate society. Am I a conservative? I only ever saw Columbo let someone off once: she had alzheimers, and had forgotten she committed the crime. If I were a murderer, I would want Montalbano to arrest me. I think he’s quite bribable.